Guided Tours of Cliffton
Experience Cliffton Travel Agency's Unique TimeWarp® Technology on a Remarkable Trip through 4 Dimensions on the TimeWarp® Site-Seeing Tour!!
Your friends will think you've just been on a daytrip, since you'll only be gone for 8 hours, but you'll have decades worth of gossip and secrets to share when you return from this unbelievable trip through time to explore Cliffton as it was years ago.
This is no special effect, no trick. We are actually eyewitnesses to a minimum of 6 real-life events that have occured in Cliffton over the last 27 years! (**see note 1**) We will get glimpses of local celebrities-- such as Cliffton's Mayor, Cliff College's leading scholars and administrators, Native American leaders, war heroes, and many more-- when they were young! We will see Cliffton and Cliff College as they were a quarter of a century ago! We will even stray from the local area (**see note 2**) to pay a visit to the lovely State of Nevada before it was a "Family Vacationland"!
We will board our deluxe, specially-equipped TimeWarp® CyberCoach and set out from the Cliffton Travel parking lot at 9a.m. sharp and, while we all get to know one another and, perhaps, sing a couple of songs, we will leave the TimeWarping® to our driver, Dr. Eugene Kinsey. Dr. Kinsey holds doctorates in Physics and Calculus, was a decorated Naval pilot and has his Certificate of Satisfactory Performance from Greyhound. There is no telling which 6-10 stops we'll make, or in which order, but these Sites are among the ones to which we return most often...
- September 18, 1970 - Cliff Twins get ready to return to dorm life over Carlotta's objections.
- October 24, 1970 - Lean over the shoulder of a rebellious, hippie-type 60's college student who's confessing to her family about her counter-culture life.
- February 3, 1973 - Watch as a genuine alienated Vietnam Vet gets home and vents his traumatic stress on the face of his once best friend.
- February 15, 1973 - Decadence and drugs... were they responsible for one brother's attempt to kill another? You judge after you see the whole thing.
- March 5, 1973 - Those who can, do; those who can't, watch through keyholes.
- November 18, 1976 - Mr. and Mrs. Cliford Cliff V are impaled.
- December 31, 1985 - Happy New Year!
- May 1, 1996 - An evening at the Watsons' house.
- May 13, 1996 - Are the sins of the fathers visited upon their sons? Any Cliff male'll lay you odds they are.
- May 25, 1996 - Carlotta has her way with the judge.
Even if we had figured out how to make group reservations for 25 years ago, we really don't trust the kitchen of Mel's Eats (where the graduate students in entomology hung out more for the research possibilities than the food). But rest assured, no one will want for delectible treats throughout the day. The cost of this tour includes an elegant box lunch prepared by the gourmet kitchen of An Inn of One's Own as well as a wide selection of snacks and beverages which will packed aboard our CyberCoach.
Our tour will conclude whenever Dr. Kinsey says so, which usually isn't until, in the interest of fuel supplies, he must break back through to TODAY! As we pull into the Cliffton Travel parking lot, you will swear that you've been away for ages, but it will only be 6 p.m. of the same day! As we exit the CyberCoach and bid a sad but fond farewell to one another, we will all be just a little older but ever so much wiser for having enjoyed a unique day of discovery together. We hope that you will all continue to explore the sites of Cliffton, whether on your own or on one of our other tours!
The TimeWarp® Site-Seeing Tour costs $250.00, all-inclusive... and is worth every penny!!
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At the present time, the TimeWarp® tecnology can only be stabilized within a span of 30 years into the past. In the interest of conservativism and safety, we will only travel back 27 years, a period considered to be "99.87% pretty damned safe" by a panel of experts. Our nerds are working day and night to expand the capabilities of our technology. Back to the spiel...
We have not been able to account for this variation in the spatial range of TimeWarp® as yet, but suppose that there is not only a special affinity for the place of Cliff College and Cliffton, Ohio, but also for members of the Cliff family and that the targetting device is able to track down Cliffs even when they are not within the 20 mile radius of the Cliffton Travel parking lot which usually defines the travel range. Back to the spiel...