VOL. CIIIL ... NO.1424 April,1996


Reporter Plunges Five Stories for Exclusive Pix of Body Buried Under Sayers!

By JONAS OLSON



In a major national scoop, The Misc. has obtained exclusive photographs of the body unearthed by demolition workers beneath what had been the basement floor of the recently razed Sayers Hall. The press, public and police alike have, until now, been prevented from approaching the body by makeshift barbed-wire barricades and angry Native American Student Union "warriors" who are maintaining a round-the-clock vigil to protect the sanctity of a skeleton that they believe once belonged to a 150-year-old tribal leader.
Despite the myriad obstacles, this reporter, at enormous risk to his own safety, managed to gerryrig a shaky gangplank from the roof of North Hall, crawl directly over the human remains five stories below, bungee jump to within six feet of the exposed skull, and take a photograph before being bullied into retreat by physical threats from Cliff College Head of Security Dick Francis.

First Photo of Mysterious
Sayers Hall Skull

Photo by Jonas Olson



Although Francis demanded that the film be turned over to his office for analysis, this reporter risked possible charges of obstruction of justice and managed to deliver the photos to the science department for computer enhancement and analysis. NASU President, Running Dog Levenstein, expressed his faith in Associate Professor of Biology and part-time Cliffton Coroner Dr. Utaka Nomo (Cliff '77), who is examining the photos and will, presumably do the same to the body in due course. Levenstein added, "I know that the results will support the Native American community's for-sure for-sure absolute knowledge that those bones belong to our great father, 18th Century Nez Percé [not 17th century Paiute, as was previously reported here]Chief Shouting Bull."
The great warrior and Native American statesman was (and still is) often referred to as "Shitting Bull", so nicknamed for his heroic struggle against a chronic bowel condition that led to his famous "bareback side-saddle" riding style.
Dr. Nomo expressed confidence that the photos would yield some clue to the identity of the corpse. But until a report has been made, Cliffton Police Detective Elizabeth Goswell has assured Native Americans that the police will not disrupt NASU's twenty-four hour a day protective occupation of the area, avoiding the possibility that any harm come to what Nez Percé insist is hallowed ground.
On the other hand, the police will not permit a Tribal Shaman to proceed with a reburial ceremony until the identity of the corpse has been clearly established.
Security Chief Francis contends that the skeleton looks contemporary to him and may very well be a murder victim. "Got lots of drifters coming through Cliff," said Francis. "Who knows? Maybe some seniors got hopped up one night and decided to do a thrill kill."


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